The hum of activity and getting to "know" the little one

With the end of February fast approaching - within the next half hour :-) - it is hard not to get overwhelmed by everything that needs doing. Somehow, the end of the month coming around makes a vague sense of panic rise in me when I think of everything that still needs doing. This is only the second time that I have felt this way since the end of January was the first. When the beginning of the year dawned, it felt like early June was an age away and would never get here. This engendered a certain sense of complacency, I think, in both Dan and me. However, when the end of January came around this vanished in a flash. In typical Sarah fashion, I had made a list and then I compared the list to the remaining months and realized how short the time was. We have done a lot in the intervening month. But somehow, the end of February coming around has still left me feeling vaguely anxious - again, not a foreign Sarah feeling, but anxiety all the same.

I have to say though, whilst anxiety has lurked, it has also been an exciting and fun process. I have really exercised my creative side and really enjoy it! I decided that I wanted to make the nursery bedding myself. So I have been hunting down fabrics. Becky and I have been coming up with ideas for baby shower invites. We have been looking at and picking out furniture for the nursery etc. etc. All fun stuff when it comes down to it. What has been even better is that Dan has really been in to it as well. For the most part, he has endless patience to sit and look at various fabric combinations and invite color options. It makes the process all the better. I shouldn't be surprised. When we organized our wedding he was the same way. But it still makes me smile and love him all the more.

Through all of this "Baby Holden-Brown" continues to kick, roll and generally make his presence very well known. It has become part of the rhthym of life and one that it comforting. Getting to know his habits is exciting - he isn't all that active first thing in the morning, but is really bouncing around at the moment as we approach the witching hour. (So I guess that at this point he is taking after his mother's sleeping and waking habits. :-) ) He loves it when I eat. In that respect he takes after both of us. It is one more piece of information, beyond his gender, we can add to what we know about him. And it serves to make this journey all the more special.

(My belly is expanding at a vast rate at the moment. We promise to upload a new picture soon! :-) )

A crazy, wonderful, mind-blowing thing

So late last night I am lying in bed. Dan is fast asleep next to me and I am doing my usual thing of reading "The Economist" before turning off the light. The babe is doing his usual pre-sleep ritual of kicking a bit before settling down to sleep. Since something kicking inside of me is still a relatively new experience, I glanced away from my Economist to look at my belly. Right at that moment, babe decided to turn over and my whole stomach moved! I have seen his kicks vibrating my belly before, but I have never seen him actually move inside of me. I considered waking Dan up but he had been asleep an hour and I decided that this new experience would be repeated and he needed his sleep more. Good thing too since, as is often the case, baby holden-brown did not provide a repeat performance. :-) Needless to say, the experience was something else. Crazy to see one's stomach move in an "Alien" movie sort of way, and wonderful and mind-blowing to once again be reminded of the life inside of one. Yesterday was quite a day to say the least, what with this coming on the heels of a good sonogram appointment. Very exciting! :-)

A Good Checkup

Baby - 24 weeks
Originally uploaded by brownorama.

Today we went for a check-up ultrasound. A little unusual for most pregnancies since we had already done one at 20 weeks and I am now at the end of my 24th week. The reason - I have a rather large fibroid - 5 and a half centimeters. As a result, it is more difficult to tell how the baby is developing and it is also important to keep an eye on the fibroid. For example, when I was going through all of the pain that my fibroid caused about 10 days ago, I went to see my OB and she measured my belly. It measured 25 and a half centimeters, which should roughly correspond to how far along in my pregnancy I am. However, at the time, I was at the end of my 23rd week. So today was the day to do the check up.

The good news was that baby is looking good. He was "chattering" in the womb - moving his lips around - and jumping. So thrilling to see! The other good news is that my fibroid has decreased in size slightly from 5 and a half centimeters to 5.2 cm. Not a big change, but hey, when your belly is getting stretched, it matters. :-) Plus, it has moved up a bit from my lower left side. This all means that a C-Section is not necessarily a foregone conclusion. We will just have to wait and see what happens. So all and all a good day baby-wise. It was something that I think both Dan and I needed. With all of the pain that I was in from the fibroid, the pregnancy was seeming like it was going to take a very long time. Fortunately, that pain has receded for the most part and today's news about the babe and me is good. Yay! :-)

Baby - 20 weeks

Baby - 20 weeks
Originally uploaded by brownorama.

This is a picture of Baby Holden-Brown from our 20 week sonogram. The 20 week ultrasound is the big anatomy study where they take a look at all of the baby's organs and bone structure to make sure that they are developing normally. It is also often the time when parents can find out the sex of their baby. Fortunately, our babe was given a clean bill of health, which was SUCH a relief. As you know from previous posts, we also found out here that our babe was a boy. This was a little bit of a shock since we were expecting a girl. But we have since adjusted and are equally excited.

Seeing one's child in full "black and white" and moving is quite something. It is the movement in many ways that has a greater impact. A lot of sonogram pictures look the same. But then when you see your little one move, it is quite something. (Even though these days he makes his presence very well known by pounding on my insides at regular intervals. :-) ) The other amazing thing is when you hear the heartbeat. When I go to the doctor on Friday I will try and get a sound bite of the heartbeat because that really is thrilling too. It is like seeing him jump on the ultrasound screen - he really is in there and alive and kicking. Very exciting. :-)

Everything in a New Perspective

On Friday I'll be undergoing throat surgery. By now it's fairly routine--this is my 17th or 18th surgery, I've lost count. We go in first thing in the morning. They put me out, scrape the cords down, and send me on my way. This isn't a condition that's going away any time soon. There's no cure, and the only thing I can do is get periodic surgeries to ensure my larynx doesn't become overgrown with pollyps.

This means, of course, that I'm going to have to explain this all to my kid at some point. There will be a time when he's cognizant of what's happening to me, and he's going to be scared. Why? Because I get scared. No matter how many of these surgeries I do, it's still scary, because every time there's a little more at stake.

There's lots of things we're going to need to explain to our son, and I think about them a lot. The fun stuff--gravity, for example. I don't remember when gravity was explained to me, or the novel feeling that things stay down, but it must have been a pretty cool realization, and I look forward to reliving it again for the first time. We're also going to need to have the "where did I come from" conversation. I can't decide if the normal story ("You did what with what?!") is more or less hard to describe than our reality ("How many shots a day?!"). And if we use our frozen embryo to have another kid, I'll really be at a loss. "You were conceived at the same time as your older brother, but born a few years later."

Here's the one question I don't want to have to answer: "Why is Daddy out of breath when he climbs the stairs?" During my pre-op physical on Friday, it became abundantly clear that my weight and general level of activity (ie: none) is a problem. My normally soft-spoken internist was unforgiving and brutal. He wants me to have some blood tests to check cholesterol and the rest. "You can have them done now if you need to be scared straight. Otherwise, try to make some lifestyle changes and have them done in a couple months." The numbers on the scale are enough to motivate me. Well, that and the impending arrival.

I'd lost about 30 pounds in 2004 on the South Beach diet in the months leading up to my sister's wedding. I looked and felt great, though I still wasn't exercising. So, I know I can do this. This week I began those "lifestyle" changes. Besides being better about what I eat, I've also decided to change my commute. Instead of changing trains at Metro Center to get a Blue or Orange to Smithsonian, the stop closest to my work, I get out and walk the rest of the way. It adds 10 or 15 minutes to my commute, but the extra walking is worth it.

Getting out at Metro Center on 12th Street NW and walking due south, I cross the National Mall. Nothing's more DC than walking through the Mall to get to work. Feeling good about doing something (anything!) about my well being, I walked between the Capitol and the Washington Monument, caught glimpses of various Smithsonian museums, and thought about all the great stuff around here I'd get to do with my son.

Let the worry begin!

From the moment we knew we were pregnant, we realized that we were embarking on a journey of worry. Even if we got past the first trimester, there were still two trimesters to go, and even if we got past those, there was a kid to raise and not screw up.

On Tuesday evening, Sarah grabbed my hand and pushed it against her stomach. There was something hard in there and, she reported, it hurt. The pain did not subside over the next day, so we got an emergency appointment with the obstetrician this morning. Dr Thompson barely put her hand on Sarah's stomach before she declared, "It's a fibroid."

We knew Sarah had a fibroid—we'd seen it on our very first sonogram at seven weeks—but it never occurred to us that it could get so big or cause so much discomfort. The good news (if you could call it that) is that it wasn't anything worse, like a hernia, which would have required surgery. Instead, the fibroid requires we just control the pain with slightly stronger Tylenol. It also means that a C-section is a strong possibility for delivery.

Sarah took the prescription Tylenol this afternoon and said that it helped the pain. Hopefully, it won't be more than a couple days of this. Evidently, this generally subsides after the second trimester. The worry, on the other hand, the worry lasts a lifetime.

Sarah at 22 weeks

DSCN3045.JPG
Originally uploaded by brownorama.

This is me (Sarah) in my 22nd week. The tummy is definitely showing these days. I don't have to point it out anymore - people look at me and they check out the tummy. :-) They always think they are being surreptitious but it tends to be the first thing they see. It is exciting though. The babe is also making his presence known - his kicking now will sometimes make my stomach vibrate. It should be interesting when the space in there gets smaller. :-)

On the reading list: "It's a Boy!"

The revelation that our baby is a boy was a bit of a shock. Intellectually, we knew that it was a possibility, but somehow we both had an expectation that it would go the other way. God forbid there be any situation that doesn't have a book about it... This book arrived the other day. Called "It's a Boy!", it's a collection of essays by moms on raising sons. Should be a good read for both of us.

Outfitting the Nursery

Sarah and I have been struggling to outfit the nursery. Knowing that our baby is a boy hasn't helped as much as we thought it would. The main issue, no doubt, is that we have expensive taste, but this is the story of our lives, and we're reasonable enough not to spend hundreds of dollars on bedding destined to be encrusted with all sorts of excrement.

Aside from his parents' tendency toward the high end, the baby faces several other obstacles to decorating his room. First, boy stuff is cheesy. Yeah, the safari theme or the vehicles theme are cute enough but, really, they're kind of annoying, too. Sarah and I have to spend a lot of time in this room--a room, I might add, we've barely stepped in since completing the renovation. The decor should be something we like.

I also have this fear that we'll put something in his room that will secretly freak him out. Years later, when he's settled down and successful (a father can hope!) he'll come over for dinner and say, "You know that giraffe statue? It really freaked me out." And we'll hem and haw and wonder why he didn't think it was as cool as we thought it was. Grown-ups easily forget they have a different perspective than babies do.

Anyway, back to the themes. So, cartoony animals or vehicles aren't going to work. We then thought just solids or geometric patterns, but the reasonably-priced options are really over the top--crazy patchwork jobs with color combinations that don't quite work. The search continues.

The other issue is the crib. The crib styles we like, and match the aesthetic of our home, don't come in a "convertable" model. This means that the bed grows with the kid, making this $800 piece of furniture last more than two years. We'd like to go in this direction, but we're struggling to find something we like.

So these appear to be the trials and tribulations of parents-to-be. We're perhaps over-thinking the whole thing, but our friends and family know that this is par for the course for us, a safety zone that has seen us through sickness, health, and home renovations.