Letter to Harry from Daddy (Month Two)

Dear Harry,

I know it sounds cliche, but it seems like just yesterday that I wrote you a letter on your one-month birthday. In fact, let's just stipulate that that first letter will feel like just yesterday for the rest of my life. Adulthood brings, besides bad digestion and an appreciation for classical music, a new perspective on time. I don't expect you'll understand until you're writing a letter to your two-month old.

Your second month brought reward to your weary parents. Just when it felt like you were the family's equivelant of the nation's obsession with automobiles -- draining a finite, but difficult to quantify source of fuel -- you suddenly gave back. You went from being a demanding paperweight to something much closer to a member of the family. This brings us to today's word: Smile.

Yep. You lit up, a big, bright, cheery grin. Your timing was impeccable, because I believe your mother was just about to throw you out the window. The smile brought with it an assortment of other joys, seemingly smaller, but equally important. You and your mom figured out the breast-feeding issues, and now you latch on with almost no discomfort. You started gaining weight at a reasonable rate. Though you're still in the 10th percentile, you are headed in the right direction. As your grandfather said, "Three ounces in one day? I can do that in the space of two bites at dinner!" Whatever trouble you might have had gaining weight in the beginning, your genetics suggest that this problem will not last.

There are some other happy changes you should know about as well. I'm starting a new job in a couple weeks, one that will allow me to spend more time with you at home. If it were only a foggy thought in your first month, your second month brought it into intense focus. You and your mom are my highest priority, and I will do anything to spend more time with you. My new job lets me work out of the house, which means I don't have to waste two hours a day commuting, and I can try to get my work done early in the day, giving me the afternoon to spend with you. Not every daddy is so lucky that he can work this way, so I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend more time with you.

This month wasn't all happy, though. Your grandmother went back to South Africa, after being with us from day one. You remember her: she looks a lot like your mummy and sang to you and rubbed your forehead to help you sleep. G-mummy going home was very sad for your mummy and me because we love having her near, and made us think about all the family that isn't closer than a phone call.

It also made us think about Ma, your mummy's grandmother. Ma died just before you were born. With your arrival and so much of our family in town (including Pa, mummy's grandfather) it was easy to put our sadness aside, but that became increasingly difficult in your second month when we found ourselves on our own. Ma was a source of inspiration for your mummy, who looked to Ma for support and confidence when little was to be found elsewhere.

I've been thinking a lot about Ma because I'm thinking about what makes us so sad about her not being here. What I realized is that what makes me the most sad is that you won't get to meet her. You won't get to experience her generosity, her lively sense of humor, and her enthusiasm for the wildlife of Africa. She had a musical laugh, an intense love for her family, and a curiosity that lasted until the very end. In this month, when you suddenly responded to us, you gave us more than a facial expression. I felt Ma's presence again, when I saw her in your smile.

And that's the word.

Always remember, your daddy loves you.

Ode to MY Mummy

Sarah's mom and Harry
Originally uploaded by brownorama.

So it has been 10 days since my mum (a.k.a mummy and now g-mummy) returned to South Africa after spending 7 weeks with us. Before she arrived, there was great concern that she wouldn't make it for the birth and I spent many anxious days, basically with my legs crossed, trying to keep Harry from making his entrance. Clearly we were waiting for her because less than 24 hours after she arrived I went into labor. Mummy ended up being in the delivery room with us. This was not a planned arrangement. But it couldn't have worked out better. Having her there with us made the experience all the better. Dan held one leg, she held the other. I couldn't have anticipated how much having her with us during that experience and Harry's first weeks at home deepened our relationship. She also "saved us" in some "middle-of-the-night-oh-my-god-we-can't-do-this-what-were-we-thinking: moments. They weren't frequent. But they were critical and it meant that we were able to get back to enjoying being parents all the sooner. Her being here to help us was also an opportunity for us to find our feet and ease into the parental routine - not something that is easy to do when one is sleep deprived and can't remember how to snap that gadget/gear thingy into the other gadget/gear thingy so we can take the baby out in the half hour window that we have before he needs to eat again.

The other aspect to going through this initial phase with her was that I came to appreciate all that she did with me. Yes, I know, this may sound cliched - saying that I now appreciate my mother. I appreciated her before this. But there is nothing like going through something oneself to really make one realize what it must have been like.

The long and the short is that it was great. I am SO glad that we had her here. I am SO glad that my relationship with her has benefited from going through this with her. We are going to miss her terribly now that she is back in the southern hemisphere and we can't wait until she comes back.

Harry's Sleep Schedule

Harry's Sleep Schedule
Originally uploaded by brownorama.

So, here is an example of how obsessed one can become about one's baby's sleep. I felt the need to put together a spreadsheet that calculated the total number of hours he is sleeping in a night. Kinda crazy....I know. But hey, I spend a lot of time at work putting together charts and I was sort of missing it.....no, not really. It was more, I put the spreadsheet together, a chart was a simple thing to create....so here it is. :-) Anyway....I thought I would put this up on the blog since it is an indication of how far one can take "analysis." :-) As Dan said, however, it is nice to see the trend line heading in a positive direction. A phenomenon that I have noticed as a new parent is that one tends to assume that the phase one is in at the time - in the beginning it is the phase of no sleep - is the one that will last for the rest of our lives. When you are not sleeping, that can make you feel quite desparate. :-) But as the trend line shows, this situation changes over time. One starts to realize that parenting is not a process of establishing a status quo but rather a process of responding to the next phase that comes along. Each phase coming with its own positives and negatives. All I know, however, is that my babe is the sweetest and cutest baby in the whole wide world and I would be happy to remain sleep deprived if that is what having him in our lives meant. Fortunately, that isn't the case. But it would be ok if it were. :-)